Girlfriends and pornography.

[Panda]

So this may be a slightly random thing to bring up but apparently i may have been under a misconception about relationships. apparently some people consider watching pornography a form of cheating....
Real life example: my best bro and his girlfriend are having an argument right now because she stumbled onto some porn he left on his desktop. She is upset because this means he is cheating on her, or so she says?
I guess in short I'm asking, is it an american idea that watching porn is a form of cheating or is this just "one of those cases"?

[Caboose]

To me that frankly sounds kinda ludicrous, but it's not like I have any firsthand experience in the matter.

[8bitBob]

Well crap, apparently literally every guy ever is a cheater.

Every. Single. One.

[walker_boh_65]

this is just "one of those cases".\

Women don't normally enjoy seeing porn on a guys computer, in fact from what I am told that downright hate it, but calling it cheating is news to me.

[kaos78414]

It's just "one of those cases." However, depending on your brothers other inclinations (does he like to drink/smoke? does he have plenty of other female friends?) I might advise him to ease his way out of that relationship, as that could be a sign of future problems.

EDIT: Obviously that depends on the severity. If she jokingly called it cheating that's one thing, but if she told him he had to stop, well I'd steer clear.

[logorouge]

Real life example: my best bro and his girlfriend are having an argument right now because she stumbled onto some porn he left on his desktop. She is upset because this means he is cheating on her, or so she says?

The exact same thing happened to a good friend of mine. Considering the marks he was bearing that day, I'll say she was pretty damn serious about it. Oh and they're Canadians, so no, it's not just an american idea. :P

[PatriotBob]

"but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Matthew 5:28

Uh... could just be that she's one of them there religious peoples...

[DocHussey]

I've seen this phenomenon in action a couple times. Some women are really insecure about it, and their justification is that its a form of cheating in their eyes. There's a couple ways to go about this, as I told a girlfriend a while back. Either the man feels his own carnal needs aren't being met, and that's something she needs to take care of; or she should allow a camera in the bedroom. Guys like porn, its a fact of nature. Most men like to MAKE porn. It's an ego thing to look back and see "Damn, that was me, I'm a frigging stud!" Either way, it's part of guy nature. We are a sexual beast, and sadly, we need to get ours as often as we can. This picture pretty much sums up western women, but in a very exaggerated and explicit way. Mind you this is not MY opinion, but its fairly close to most women I've dealt with. Warning! VERY LARGE IMAGE

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[Panda]

"but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Matthew 5:28

Uh... could just be that she's one of them there religious peoples...

-1 no religion comments please
And no shes not

[jakerman999]

To the best of my understanding, it's how the act of watching pornography is interpreted. If said girlfriend believes that the man in question is watching porn because he desires sex with one or more of the 'actors' then that could quite easily be construed into one form or another of cheating. This is however only one end of the spectrum. My girlfriend falls at the complete other end, and actively encourages me to consume pornography as she claims I take inspiration. It is a case by case basis, and no two people with have the exact same opinion.

I do believe though, that concealing the act might influence this in some way though. If a woman believes that her sexual partner is only seeing her, but later finds out that they were also seeing explicit material, she could very well be upset.

[abzu93]

People have different sets of ethics. Hers includes: fantasizing about or looking at pornographic photos of people other than her is breaks the rules of monogamy. It's dependent completely on the person, which is while in relationships you discuss the hard stuff BEFORE you commit.

I've known people that don't believe fellatio or cunnilingus qualifies as "sex"; so in their mind, getting head from someone outside of their relationship is perfectly ok. I've also known married people in polygamous relationships. So.. what can you say? It takes all kinds.

[FlowerChild]

Wow...that's an instant deal-breaker for me. Any woman that won't let me have a fantasy life outside of the relationship goes straight to the curb :)

[Miss_Kat]

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Well that was quite the large load of misogynistic bullshit.

Anyway.. The only argument over porn I've ever had with my fiance was when we first started our relationship, he told me he'd never looked at it once in his life. Surprise! That wasn't true. It's the lying and deceit I got upset over. And while I don't care about it, I know a lot of other women's issues with it largely stem from their own insecurity, in that they're under the impression if they can't be everything to their partner, and they go elsewhere for any kind of sexual satisfaction, they've somehow failed, so that could be where a lot of the hurt over the subject stems from.

I might suggest telling your best bro to hide his porn a little better. I mean, the desktop? Really?

[FlowerChild]

Well that was quite the large load of misogynistic bullshit.

Damn, I didn't even open the spoiler in my slightly tipsy state.

Agreed Kat. Bye bye Doc. I'll even copy/paste "misogynistic bullshit" as the ban reason :)

[Folrig]

I find it funny that most of the "It's just this case" statements are coming from men. Sounds a little like self justification to me. I'm willing to bet most women prefer that their man avoids porn. I'm not saying that there isn't an acceptance of porn, but I think a person can accept somthing and still want something more.

"but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Matthew 5:28

Uh... could just be that she's one of them there religious peoples...

-1 no religion comments please
And no shes not

I'm curious, why not? Strikes me as a valid argument. Religous beliefs are significant for a magority of the worlds population, even if it may not apply to your friends situation.

[Miss_Kat]

Damn, I didn't even open the spoiler in my slightly tipsy state.

Agreed Kat. Bye bye Doc. I'll even copy/paste "misogynistic bullshit" as the ban reason :)

Only forum I've ever been a part of that such a thing is even considerable bannable. I love this place. :)

[obl1terat1ion]

I'm curious, why not? Strikes me as a valid argument. Religous beliefs are significant for a magority of the worlds population, even if it may not apply to your friends situation.

while it is a valid argument, i think what she was getting at was it more than likely falls under rule number 4: NO POLITICS ALLOWED.

[FlowerChild]

Only forum I've ever been a part of that such a thing is even considerable bannable. I love this place. :)

Hell yeah. I think you know me well enough to know I hate that shit :)

[Folrig]

while it is a valid argument, i think what she was getting at was it more than likely falls under rule number 4: NO POLITICS ALLOWED.

See, I thought religion was permitted given the nature of the mod (you know, the occult and all).

[FlowerChild]

See, I thought religion was permitted given the nature of the mod (you know, the occult and all).

Yeah, religion is fine, just as long as you're not flaming a particular one unduly.

To me, personally, religion falls under the realm of personal philosophy and opinion, and thus is open to discussion.

I also happen to personally agree with you that religion may play a major role here. This particular viewpoint would make someone undateable for me, but that's a matter of personal lifestyle choices, not a mater of absolute truth.

[morvelaira]

I'm actually with PatriotBob on this one for an explanation. Leaving any discussion of the validity or lack there of in the bible quote out of this, it could be the root of the feeling that pornography is cheating. I know it's certainly be the justification I've been given by some other women I've met in the past who hold this view, though most of them couldn't pull this specific reasoning out and instead just had this vague feeling that this was just the way it was. A by-product of certain religious morals seeping into folk's upbringing without realizing it maybe.

[BinoAl]

I've personally only ever had one girlfriend who cared, and that relationship ended VERY quickly ;)
For the most part, I think it just makes some women uncomfortable that their significant other is thinking of other women that way, despite the fact that there is no threat to the relationship. It's understandable, but not completely rational :)

[Folrig]

Yeah, religion is fine, just as long as you're not flaming a particular one unduly.

Oh, no, no. I'm perfectly fine opining all of them are wrong except mine.

[kaos78414]

I think that any girl who has a problem with something like this to the point that it becomes an issue at all, is raising a giant red flag that says "Get out before every other little thing, like spending time with a platonic female friend, turns into an argument." Or maybe I've been conditioned this way due to all the women in my life being manipulative.

[Mr_Hosed]

Could your best bro's girl be looking for justification to step out on the relationship and just grabbed on to this one? Otherwise then by her logic she's cheating anytime she's looking at a male model and fantasizing about having sex with him as well.

Edit: What does this girl think of reading/writing erotic literature? Is that cheating?